A dear friend of mine that I loved dearly and looked up to (even though she was 10 years younger than I am) died unexpectedly yesterday leaving a child parentless and many people asking why. The grief hit me fast and hard and started to send me to a dark and very low place last night. A place where I started to question a lot of things. Grasping at straws for some sense of closure or peace or something, anything, I scoured through her wall on Facebook that within minutes of the news was flooded with words from so many people. It became a cathartic place for people to come and share stories and grieve in community.
Unexpectedly, I discovered something radical about my friend who always made me feel like I was the only person in the room or the only person worthy to answer her questions. She had touched dozens, perhaps hundreds of other people in the same way that she had impacted my life. Her larger than life, no holds barred personality radiated through other people’s lives in both her professional and private life. Even people that she hadn’t seen or talked to in years had parallel stories as those that had talked to her hours before her passing. The craziest thing was that she had the same 24 hours in a day that the rest of us have, but she was weekly stepping up to talk and text with people, to check in with others. To show up for missing children searches and reposting missing animal posts and going to kids’ birthday parties and being available at all hours for those having a hard time. She was a nurse and a mother and a friend and a daughter and a sister and she was one of the most amazing nurses I’ve ever met. I frequently told her that if I ever needed a home health nurse, I wanted her. She got things done, a mover and shaker to say the least. Seeing that I was not alone in how I felt about her and how she showed up in this world got me thinking: how am I showing up in this world and how can we show up for others.
Like teachers and health aids, police officers and counselors, nurses are mandatory reporters. If they suspect something is suspicious, it is their responsibility for the well-being of their client to say something. It is their job to make the call to say that something could be wrong. With this in mind, what if we as beings of the human race took it upon ourselves to say something positive when we see something positive? Like my beloved friend, what if we stepped up to report goodness and amazing qualities in people, showing up for them in the middle of the night or calling out the unspoken qualities that others maybe see but don’t acknowledge. I know that I told my friend time and again how much I cared for her and how amazing she was, but how many people go through life not knowing where their awesomeness lies or not knowing that others care for them and remember them for more than just breathing the air in the room or taking up space. As the Facebook page became more and more filled with memorials last night and through the day today, I have become more and more convinced that we need to not hold our tongue but if we see something positive in someone or see that they may need a friend or a word of encouragement that we speak our truth freely.
What a difference we could make in the world if we told others that we not only liked their sense of style or how cute their hair looked today but told them what great thoughts they offered in the meeting or how grateful you were for their generosity or smile when you needed it. Don’t wait until someone is gone to fill their Facebook wall with what you thought about them or how they made your life better. And don’t wait until tomorrow to share your light with others and leave the legacy that you are meant to leave. If you see something, say something! It could be just what that person was missing in their day and life!