Removing the band from my ring finger was the first of many steps in my transformation into becoming a single parent. It was overwhelming on many levels and doing everyday tasks alone often felt secondary to the actual loneliness. Those of you who have experienced this, big hugs to you! I’m thrilled to acknowledge that we survived. Perhaps a bit bruised and battered for the wear, but we’re still here moving forward 💛
I am blessed to have gotten my nursing degree when I was young. I’ve had experience in a diverse range of nursing settings prior to this time. I had been a night shift oncology nurse, an office gyne nurse, a Medical-Surgical floor & charge nurse, and a prn school nurse in 2 districts.
But when the divorce was taking place I knew it was vital that I didn’t take a job until I knew that it was the right one. One where I could be flexible (which is not normally a word that is used in conjunction with nursing.) This meant having to take on multiple PRN jobs while I waited for openings. So for a few months I worked as an agency nurse on night shifts at nursing homes. I filled in for staffing deficits while my children were at home sleeping. I often working days in local schools that had openings.
When a home health nursing position finally came available, I interviewed and started a couple weeks later. It was finally the stability I needed with flexibility that is rare. Great insurance benefits. And an opportunity to continue to hone my skills in new areas. Home health fed into my jack-of-all-trades mentality quite well.
As a disclaimer I want to make my situation clear from the start. I’m a single parent, but I have a supportive ex who loves his children dearly. No deadbeat dad in the picture. But he does live 3 hours away, so I have the kids in my care the majority of the time.
I recently read a Facebook post. The author wrote that if you were a divorcee whose ex spouse was still in the picture paying child support and had any visitation rights that it was not a valid statement to say you were a single parent. It took everything in me to not respond to that article that I felt deep in my heart was wrong. It was obviously trying to bait people. I took the highroad and just kept my mouth shut (until now 😬🤔).
I don’t need the validation of other people. And I know that working full-time and taking care of three kids, two dogs, and a house along with my own vehicle and the one I bought for my daughter, keeping gas in the tanks, and making sure all the kids get to where they need to go when they need to be there, that homework gets done on time especially throughout this crazy year of Covid-19, and shopping, meal planning, and providing hot meals and snacks for my kids makes me as much a single parent as another person who does all the same but may not have as much financial support.
As I teach my kids about their own pain or struggles quite often: another’s problems or difficulties don’t invalidate yours!! All of us have hard roads we navigate. We need to give each other a hand, not a backhand! And many of these rocky times can be turned into stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks.
Stepping off my soapbox 😝
I was familiar with overseeing finances from the previous 20 years of my life. But having close to 50% less finances to work with allowed for me to tap in to my already frugal nature. I knew from mistakes that I needed help from as many experts as I had the time to listen to. David Bach, Rachel Cruze, and I became fast friends!
My budget was on-point but a reality that hit me like a train between the eyes that kept me up at night is that I was already in my 40s and other than an IRA that I had obtained in the divorce, I had no savings, no retirement plan, and was still having 2 mouths that needed braces and 3 kids to potentially put through college and buy cars for and and and. Those of you who have had panic attacks that wake you up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat know what I’m talking about when I say that this reality check was not subtle. It was all consuming!
The first thing that I did was start contributing to my 403B plan at work. This is like a 401(k) for nonprofit organizations. They only match to 25% of the first 10%. But it was still free money. I made that contribution knowing that investing a little was better than investing nothing.
I continued to cut my spending on Groceries and frivolous items. Having shopped at Goodwill, Aldi, and garage sales since my kids were babies, they really don’t know life any different. But as I cut my budget tighter and tighter I also came to the realization that I’m not getting any younger. All of the traveling that I’ve dreamed of doing for years and the bucket list that sits collecting dust will be harder and harder to do as I get older. I realized that saving money to travel had to become a priority.
As I came out of my six month orientation for work, I started to pick up extra patient visits. But anyone who works in healthcare knows that burn out is a very real thing. This is especially with the amount of charting that my job requires. So as much as I wanted to be able to pick up extra shifts, it’s not always been healthy.
I have found through trial and error and through hundreds of hours of listening to podcasts that money is not a scarce resource. It’s actually an abundant one for those willing to take a bit of time to sacrifice, learn, and pursue it. I promise you that you will see signs of both the scarcity and the abundance throughout this blog. I hope to be able to lead you to a life of financial abundance, wise decision making, financial organization, and much happiness and peace of mind that helps you to have peaceful sleep through the night. 💛